I remember my first trip to Silverbacks Park well. It was in the early stages of the 2013 season (yes, not that long ago) when I made my way up I-85 to see the Silverbacks take on Carolina, they won 2-0 in comprehensive fashion, and I was instantly hooked. Along the way of that 2013 season, I had the pleasure of finally having an American club to pull for, meeting lots of great people while tailgating before and after games, seeing the team win the first trophy in its history, interviewing players for my radio show, and gaining a greater appreciation for soccer in this country outside of MLS.
2014, despite the team's on-field struggles and shaky outlook for the future, was, in many ways, a dream for me. I was fortunate enough to become the team's play-by-play commentator for the season, and it was an honor that I embraced with open arms. Even as the losses mounted, it meant a lot for me to be able to, quite literally, be a voice for my team and further connect with Atlanta fans, other NASL fans, and even fellow commentators from around the league.
After having received confirmation in December that I would be back as the team's commentator for 2015, I thought the dream would continue. Yet, as the business of broadcasting can go, things are not always as they seem. With only two weeks to go before the start of the season, I was informed that my services were no longer needed. The version of events divulged to me, however believable or unbelievable they may be, was that the league, now in an ownership capacity for the club, had hired "consultants" to review broadcasts, they had opted to make changes, and that was that. The fact that I only found out this news by way of me reaching out to touch base in advance of the season's first broadcast was added salt in the wound. Maybe nobody would have bothered to tell me that I was let go.
And so the 2015 NASL season began with me deciding to wash my hands of the Silverbacks. I told myself that I wouldn't care if they won or lost, and I even went so far as to sell quite a bit of my Silverbacks paraphernalia on eBay. Sure, in hindsight it was petulant behavior, but I was scorned and, quite frankly, mad as hell.
Fandom is a funny thing, however. As resolute as I thought I was in leaving the Silverbacks behind and maybe even turning my attention to another team in the league, the pull, the very urge, to tune in and see what the Silverbacks were doing kept gnawing at me until I was absolutely powerless against it. In only a couple of weeks' time, I was back to watching their games from the comfort of my living room, passively at first, but soon as intently as I had done for two years prior.
And so it was, with my heart back in line with being a Silverbacks fan, that I returned to Silverbacks Park for the game against Jacksonville last weekend. I picked up a 2015 jersey before the game (to replace the jersey I sold, of course), drank a couple of beers in the parking lot before making my way into the stadium, said hello to my old broadcast producer, and, despite concerns that it would feel strange for me to be back, again felt like I was back at home, another dot in a pond of red and black.
You see, what this night back out at familiar stomping grounds reminded me of is that being a fan of a team has nothing to do with people in suits behind the scenes who may or may not make bad decisions. Instead, romantically speaking, it is about what it represents to us, whether collectively or individually. Moreover, being a fan is just supposed to be fun, both through winning and the emotional connections we forge. Perhaps it was my perpetual rebellious streak that won out by saying, "You know what, Ryan? You're not going to let other people ruin the happiness you've enjoyed on too many nights in this stadium. Get back there. Let the past be the past."
I'm glad I made my return to Silverbacks Park this past weekend, and I'm looking forward to doing it again soon. Yes, I of course wish that I were still in the commentary booth, but being back amongst the fans is a great place to be as well.
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